To measure a year seems impossible. I’m a sort that documents life as I move through it; I always have. This was never a conscious choice – it just was. Sometimes I capture moments in a camera frame, sometimes I write them down. More often than not, I live the moments and summarize later. I get the most out of life this way. It’s good to spend a few hours here and there reflecting on life, but the bulk of time should be given to living.
2008 was a full load of life for me. Some of my years on earth seemed to be uneventful and have faded neatly into oblivion. Others have left their mark, have placed flags in the sand, and visit often. This was a year of marks, and flags, and love, and loss, and health, and unwell, and possibility, and joy, and friends, and creativity, and physical pain, and emotional pain, and MORE joy, and MORE friends, and family, and abundance… I could go on and on (and often do). To summarize: 2008 was, without a shred of doubt, the most difficult year of my life and the happiest year of my life. I was blessed with balance at every harsh turn. For everything taken there was something gifted. Even through the worst days I knew that somehow I would carry through and come out the other side just fine.
I found peace in my 39th year. As in all things, peace has come and gone over the years; however, this year peace never left my soul. Not during heartache, financial woes, moving stress, health scares, you name it – peace was always an underlying factor; even in snot-faced, puffy-eyed, Ugly Cry moments. The little voice was always with me saying, “You’re going to get through this.” I trusted it every time and I got through every time.
It’s cool to be alive. The more years that pass the cooler it is as far as I’m concerned. I’ve been 40 for a week and I marvel at the amount of people who have asked me, “How are you with this? Was it a tough day for you?” HUH? I sincerely don’t get the fear of aging. I feared the notion I might have cancer in the fall, I feared the word biopsy, I feared the procedure, I feared the results, I feared having to potentially tell my mother, and I feared dying and leaving my cats behind (I couldn’t imagine anyone treating them the way I do – all of my humans would be fine, but my furry babies need me), HOWEVER, I’ve never given a second to the fear of aging. I earned every second of these years and I’m not about to short-change a day. I will not be perpetually 39 and I am not celebrating the 15th anniversary of my 25th birthday. I am woman – hear me roar, damn-it! (Kidding.)
As I sit here reflecting (No. I’m not finished yet!) I think about my family and friends, those near and those far away. I had a conversation with a friend wherein we agreed that we are lucky to have people to miss and people that miss us. LUCKY! And thankful! Most of the people I love had to deal with life altering experiences this past year. There were those who lost family members to death, or to estrangement. Neither is an easy road to travel – but we traveled together. Jobs were lost, as were loves, businesses, homes, etc. but through it all we had each other and that is hard to beat. We also celebrated successes, career changes, marriages, and we laughed a lot! More than seems fair in a world upside down – yet we were blessed with unending laughter.
2009 is just hours away and I believe it will be filled with wonder. Sincerely I do. I believe a creative boom is coming to the planet – I can feel the energy building. For the first time in years I’m optimistic about political relations around the world. I believe I will find answers to my health issues and I will be well. I believe more people will choose to be happy over choosing to acquire stuff. I hope I’m right.
Where resolutions are concerned - I rarely make them. I just vow to continue to be the best person I can be. I will respect differences and be kind to people, I’ll be good to my mother and eventually tell her I got another tattoo – which will not please her – but I will let her lecture and I won’t argue the point. I’ll also do my best to give more than I receive… because so far – it works for me and has been it’s own reward. Also – when one curses like I do it’s good to earn extra brownie points with the karma Gods. I will stay true to myself – because I’m a better person when I do. It’s far easier to honor others when we honor ourselves.
I wish only the best to all out there living your own moments, measuring your own lives.
May 2009 be filled with joy!
